Enough is Enough - Rachel

I think I’ve been mentally in that state since birth. Chubby, fat, obese, roley polly, fluffy, big-boned (yeah, I love that one); whatever you choose to call it…..I’ve lived it. I can never remember a day in my life, childhood included, where I’ve been at a society labeled “healthy” weight. I feel that my mom and dad had probably just feasted at one our infamous family gatherings when they conceived me.

Skip ahead: High school. Ahhhh, how high school can change your life…..its mind boggling in so many ways. I’m not certain if it was the threat of being teased, being left out of social functions, being left behind, or being labeled that prompted me to see through my wall of chubbiness. But high school was one of those defining moments; therefore, I was going to tackle the immense challenge of changing my body. At the time my mom was exercising and following Weight Watchers. I started following the Weight Watchers program, faithfully ran two miles at least three times per week, ran stairs (a very long, steep set leading to the beach), went to step aerobics twice weekly, and was an active football and basketball cheerleader. I danced, I ran, I climbed, I ate very little. And yes, I lost weight……but seriously peeps……I was still a size 8 or 9! AND….I had youth on my side! I still thought I was fat and it’s sad because realistically I was probably at a maintainable weight for my body.

Skip ahead: Marriage (which for me =weight gain). Apparently being comfortable with someone can make you lazy. I was cooking huge meals for just two people and exercising rarely. Portions were outrageous! I can remember at family gatherings heaping my plate with food containing more calories than I should have been consuming all day……..and then heaping it AGAIN!

Skip ahead: Pregnancy. I had actually rejoined Weight Watchers and was exercising moderately before conceiving my daughter. I had lost some weight…and then bam I was pregnant. It was also at this time in my life I was diagnosed with PCOS (which Sunny and I will whine about in detail later) but let’s just say….not our friend and definitely a major factor in our weight issues. I was lucky. Due to the lovely joys of vomiting (extreme pregnancy morning, noon, and night sickness for 9 months), I only gained 15 pounds and had lost 36 pounds 6 weeks after I delivered. If only I had started an exercise/eating program then I might not have had another “up in weight” moment in my life. But I was tired……and stressed……and I think a bit depressed. Caring for a newborn, especially a colicky active newborn, is mentally AND physically demanding. I ate too many calories and wasn’t exercising. Up came the weight. I think at my heaviest, I weighed more than I had 9 months pregnant. Not a good moment for me. I, like Mandy, thought of my child when the light bulb came back on. As a mother, you ARE role model for your children. You have NO CHOICE. It’s inherent. I looked down at my small, adorable, active daughter and said…….I NEVER want her to have to struggle with herself like I have.

That was when I joined Turbo Kick (kickboxing instructed by a high school friend) and have NEVER looked back. Well, that’s not entirely true….I sometimes think about my old ways, but only to remind myself and others that going BACK to that is not an option for me. Each time I drop a size in clothing, I give those clothes away. I don’t save them (you all know what I’m talking about…those fat pants, that baggy sweater). I step on a scale every morning and often at night. I can visually see my progress…or an occasional defeat. But it keeps me accountable…..and gives me NO reason or excuse to save anything related to my old ways. This is a journey where you really can’t throw the white flag. You battle….you have wins and learns….and you dust yourself off from those learns and let them not defeat you.